The Lynn Issue
Okay....It's time to deal with this issue...I need to and I need your help at how best to tactfully (or not as the case may be) to deal with her...
First let me explain...Lynn is married to my ex-Husband Doug (Doug is my Daughter's father and Patrick's Stepdad) I have never liked this woman, I have tolerated her...heck even tried to be friends with her but I got stabbed in the back one too many times...She will never allow Me and Doug to make any decisions about Hayley without her final approval...I have battled this for years and on most occasions have won...Yeah she gives Doug hell when things do not go her way...but I just say tough...oh well she needs to grow up...Thiers for the most part is a very rocky relationship and has been for years...(Since Hayley was about 4-she's 12 now...) I have seen and heard her do things that quite frankly make me always question her judgement...I do know that she will not ever do anything for nothing...If she does a favor for you...you better believe that she is going to ask you to do something for her....and if she tries to give just for the sake of giving...she will make sure that everyone KNOWS what she did...Take Patrick and Manisa's wedding...She was asked to do decorations...and she did...and yes she did a very good job...but she then (At the wedding) made sure everyone knew what she had done so she could get her kudos...I was floored when I found out...Yeah she went table to table...Couldn't believe it...Now she also couldn't understand that we weren't really doing a reception with dancing and such...She made Doug burn a CD of songs for people to dance to...now mind you...both she and Doug had been told not only by me...but by Patrick and Manisa that it wasn't that type of reception...we had the church for 2 hours, it didn't allow time to do all that ...it was just going to be wedding, eat, toast, congratulations and clean up...She was floored, and angry when nobody got up to dance after all the work she did...(She let everyone know...UGH) but this is Lynn and this is just a small part of the person she is....There's more...lots mores...Like I have stated in the past....She's not called Psycho Bitch for nothing....
Yeah Patrick bestowed that upon her when he refused to call her "Mom"...He would go up and visit Doug on the weekend with Hayley...Lynn argued with him all weekend...telling him that he had to call her Mom...She was his Mom afterall...She tried to do this with Hayley also...I finally had to step in cause my kids were really frustrated and tell her that in no way shape or form were they calling her Mom...She was not thier Mom...Hayley's stepmom maybe...but not MOM...trust me...she's tried every backhanded way to have Hayley call her Mom..it's not even funny...Hayley tells me about it..
Yes...that was her thinking...When she's confronted with the reality of the fact that she's really not anything to Patrick...(Cause I wasn't married to his Stepdad anymore-I am merely thinking technically)...She refuses to hear it...I have been told that she tells everyone about her Son who's in the Marines...she never tells them that he has a different Mother and it causes quite a scene I am told when it comes out...Patrick laughed when he was told about this...Like I said...he was less than impressed with her growing up...
Now you all have to understand while I have vented to my freinds and family...I have let my kids form thier own opinions...I did that with Patrick's father (his real one-and he was a not so nice person too...and I am being kind here) I would never utter a bad word about her to the kids...But the kids kept coming to me with stuff...Some I worked thru with them...some I actually had to intervene and call Doug over to my house...only him...never her...Some of the things the kids came home with made me cause to pause...and there have been issues that I have seen for my self...I could go on and on...
To give you yet another example of how she thinks...(Now please remember she has kids of her own...2 boys, 14 and 12 and a daughter 5) About 2 years ago..I went over to thier house to pick up my child support check (I don't have it go thru the system...the system looses it and Doug always pays) There was Lynn in a midrift shirt that went way up above her belly...and a THONG...Vacumning...with her children present plus my daughter! Needless to say I was pissed...I called Doug outside and told him that while Hayley was there..Lynn was to remain clothed at all times! He couldn't understand...she gets dressed and walks around NAKED in front of them all the time...WHAT?????? I politely told him that if she wanted to screw her kids up so be it...she was not messing with mine...and she had better remain clothed or it's back to court we go...I am told she had a hissy fit but decided to listen...So this gives you a tiny little insight into the world I have to deal with...I have often said that I have to deal with 2 children when I have to deal with Doug and Lynn...
Now since there have been issues all these years...needless to say Patrick was never very comfortable around Lynn...She irritated him mostly...He loves Doug and tries to tolerate her...but a lot of times it really doesn't work...so in the past 4 or 5 years he really doesn't go over there a whole bunch....
Now onto the present problem! (Wondered when I would get there right???) When Patrick came down when Kairi was born...Lynn was pissed that Patrick and Manisa didn't come over but a few times...Well the few times that they did come over Lynn made Manisa feel so uncomfortable it wasn't funny...Patrick was getting pissed at her...What Lynn failed to even try to understand what that they just became new Parents...they weren't going out unless they had too...They were too busy sleeping and getting adjusted! The straw the broke the camels back was when Doug's Mom came down (Whom Patrick loves very much) They again went over there...20 minutes into the visit Lynn said outloud that "They're only here cause your hear Carolyn" right in front of Patrick and Manisa...They pretty much left after that...Mansia really was in such a state...Patrick called me spitting nails...He had had enough of her...and he was going to tell Doug...Doug was due at my place in about an hour with Hayley and his Mom...I prepared for an interesting night...
Manisa and Patrick had decided that it would be better that Manisa and Kairi stayed with me until it was time to take Manisa up to North Carolina...This meant that Hayley would be sharing a room with them...or sleep on the couch/air bed in the living room...She was very excited about this let me tell you...it was like camping out...We had thought about bringing Manisa's bed down (it's a futon bunk bed) but nixed it cause we felt the baby would have kept Hayley up at night and she has school)...We were all happy with the decision....that is all except for Lynn apparently...but I will get to that...
So when they got there Patrick called Doug outside and preceded to tell him exactly what he thought of Lynn...how uncomfortable she makes Manisa and that it wasn't going to happen anymore...He went on for about a full 30 minutes...He came inside and then said Doug wanted me outside...Okay I went...Doug then preceded to say he didn't like the idea of Hayley out in the living room and to please let her come live with him and she can come home on the weekends...UGH....(This is not the first time he's mentioned Hayley comeing to live with him)
It was then that I had to tell him how Hayley had been feeling about going over there...For the past few months...She's been coming home venting about Lynn...now some I had to tell Hayley were pretty ridiculous... but she was coming home with some real issues...I have always told her that she really needs to talk to her Dad...she has tried ( I know she has) but it gets brushed aside...I knew her going over there was not a good Idea with the way she's been feeling about Lynn...This was after Patrick ranted about Lynn too...I told him that I felt his house had real issues that were not getting handled...and I told him what they were...his face fell when he knew that I really did know what went on there...Oh well...
I have to say I felt really bad...First Patrick and now Hayley...He said fine but he wanted us to bring down Manisa's bunk bed (I don't understand his logic but okay...I can get her earplugs) So we did that and all is well...I have no clue what happened when Doug got home...I don't know if he told Lynn or not...or what he told her...
Well Lynn apparently popped over to My house last Thursday unnannouced or invited...From what Manisa said she seemed like she had taken lots of Happy Pills (yeah she does have a history of taking happy pills) stayed for about an hour...Made Manisa feel uncomfortable again...and left with a promise to stop by alot more often...The look Manisa gave me was one of "HELP!" when I came home and she told me what happened...I thought about it...See...The problem is here that after everthing that has happened...I highly doubted that Lynn would understand that she should maybe call to see if Manisa is up to a visit, not taking a nap and that she's not doing anything else instead of just popping over uninvited....you know...the way normal people would do it...
So what I had opted for what this...We have an enclosed patio that can be kept locked during the day...while Lynn may come over...she would not be able to get to the front door...I don't (At least I hope not!) that Lynn is the type of person to stand out there and bang loudly saying "Manisa!!!!! I'm out here!!!!" (But then again....maybe she is) She can call but I have caller ID so if Manisa's asleep or otherwise busy she can let it go to voice mail...
Unless you all have a better suggestion....I open the floor to you guys!
4 Comments:
You know it kills me that Doug is still just as whipped by this hag as he was years ago.. Sad really!
Okay who the hell cleans house in a thong? Holy hell!
Now if I remember correctly wasn't there a time that her mother lived with them and there was not appropriate sleeping space for Hayley during that time.
Honey first and foremost your children's feelings come first. We know they wish to not upset the parents, but sometimes it has to be done for the parent to finally pull the veil off their eyes. Doug has been blinded by this woman for years, and of course the only people who really suffer through all of this are the kids.
At least Patrick is old enough to take a stand. Doug needs to wake up and realise that if he is not carefull, he may wind up loosing his baby girl.
As for Lynn coming over.. Just tell her she needs to call. Baby's and new mothers need sleep. And if she does bang on the door, have Manisa call the cops. Lynn will learn her lesson!
Yup...I do remember that...not only was her Mom living with them...but her sister as well...Hayley shared a room with her boys at one time (Oh but they didn't seem to think that was wrong since it was only the summer vacation...UGH!)I mentioned this to Doug as well...It's apparently okay for them to constantly re-arrange sleeping quarters that involve my daughter at thier house but apparently it's not okay at mine??? Go figure...As for the thong issue...Doug tried to tell me that her boys are oblivious to her walking around naked...I looked at him and said "yeah...and I have swampland in Arizona to sell you"...Not to bright that one...Yeah he's whipped and good...It is sad...Hayley sees so much now about Lynn....and she doesn't like what she sees...A couple of weeks ago after what appeared to be a major blowout between Doug and Lynn (a common occurance) Hayley told her dad that she would not be upset if he divorced her...
Oh I can just see Lynn being handcuffed and taken away!!!! and with Doug being a Cop and all.....
You just made my day!!!!
Tactful? There isn't any tact to be used in this situation.
Doug needs to wake up. And Lynn sounds way too much like my former step monster, especially with the calling her mom thing. I just looked at her and laughed in her face. Granted, it got me the snake eye from dad that night, but I would be damned if I would call that woman "Mom." I didn't even call my father's mother "Grandma" because she was such a bitch. At age 4-5 I always referred to her as "That woman."
I know exactly how Hayley feels and I feel for her. It's really hard to try to keep her dad happy while dealing with a beast at the same time. Poor kid! Just remind her that it isn't going to be this way forever, and continue to allow her to vent.
As for Lynn showing up, she needs to call first. If she cannot do that, lock the gate. If she shows up and starts yelling, have Mansia call the cops and escorted off the property. I've almost done that will some of Bill's relatives that have just shown up as I didn't even know who they were.
Now I'm the wicked bitch of the east of enforcing the "Call first or don't bother" rule, but tough. My life doesn't stop because they show up. I certainly don't visit them (nor would I want to) so they can take a hike off a short pier as far as I'm concerned.
Stacy
I'm going to be uncharacteristically bitchy for someone who's not PMS'ing at the moment and say: Tell Lynn she's not welcome at the house unless she's invited--not, "call before you come" but "don't call us, we'll call you" invited. It's clear that you've all reached the point of needing to tell her clearly and collectively to "BUTT OUT".
She especially does not need to be showing up on happy pills, and if Manisa is home alone with the baby she should not feel the need to let Lynn in. In fact, you might even go so far as to tell Doug that it's reaching the point of a restraining order if Lynn doesn't get the hint.
I know that's harsh, but she's not stable, and my gut tells me Manisa and the baby shouldn't be with Lynn alone. For that matter, neither does Hayley.
Doug needs to wake up and smell the coffee. If CPS knew about Lynn running around the house in a thong around her sons they'd be after her in a heartbeat. Surely if Doug had to respond to a call at someone else's house for a similar situation he'd be required to arrest the woman for the same type of behavior in front of a minor.
Lisa
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