The battles we win.......

Well Guys.....I think I finally got thru to Michael on something that he and I have been going around about.....It was hard to make him see the light but I think I finally got thru to him...Let me explain.....

You see...Mike and those boys have been thru hell and back...how? Well...When he was married to his now ex-wife...It ended badly with Scars for all...Major ones...You see...Mike's ex has mental issues...We have been told everything from Borderline Schizoprenic to Bi-polar, depression and whatnot..(We're not sure how bad or how not bad-that's really a whole nother story).While they were together...She refused to get help...(That's a very long story-Lisa, Steph and Stacy-you know what I am talking about) but she literally abused those boys...That's what I call it...I am still sure to this day there are things that Mike and I don't know about...probably never will...At any rate...She would lock them in thier bedrooms and not take care of them...Mike ran ragged trying to do everything for them...It got worse going thru the divorce because the courts refused to get her out of the house...Had to wait til it was all over and done with and let me tell you...Mike went thru 3 attorneys before he got one that would listen to him, help him get custody (and then that got screwed up in the end-but we have since fixed that issue) But he finally won custody...But unfortunatly the damage to the boys was already done...Yes we have done counceling and will probably do that again at some point...But right now the boys are doing well..having a much stabler environment than before...Like I said...there's a whole lot here that I am not writing about....

But that is not without problems...Mike's oldest boy...Wesley...will overeat..He also inhales his food..(not kidding there-he doesn't stop-he can eat a full plate of food in about 5 minutes).He is heavy and the Doctor has said that he needs to loose weight.(Aprox 25 pounds)..Okay...we could do that...He is also highly emotional and highly sensitive and yes...the kids at school are brutal to him...I cannot begin to tell you all that child has been thru..I have worked with Wesley for the past 2 years to get him to slow down...I explained that eating that fast was not good for him or his digestion...Mike and I both know that this is directly linked to what he went thru with his mom...he never knew when his next meal was coming from...So he made sure he ate as much as he could....

But that's where the battle began....You see...Mike feels a tremendous amount of guilt for what the boys have been thru...So naturally he wants to make it up to them anyway possible...I can actually understand that...but when it comes down to Food issues and Wesley...I have had it rough going trying to get Mike to understand that is the ONE area you don't compensate for...Wesley is not active by any stretch of the imagination...We literally have to force him to be outside running and riding his bike..or anything...He will sit in front of the TV and watch cartoons all day if we let him...which I don't...Hayley and Glen are forever active and burn off all that they eat...so we don't worry about them...So that made it hard as well to work something out...I push fruits and veggies on them...Mike wants to let them indulge in chips and dips, cookies and whatnot.....When he gives them Ice Cream....He will (And I am not kidding you here) give Wesley a bowl that will be enough for all three kids...That's what the issue is...He will overload Welsey on everything...Why because he can eat it...Mike had no sense of portion control...He would overload his lunches...snacks...dinner and breakfast...I always felt like the bad person to want to have him eat a healthy apple vs. that big dish of ice cream...It was finally getting to the point where Mike and I would argue about it...He would always tell me that he was not going to deny Wesley anything..

Well we finally had it out this past Saturday and I don't know if it's the way I said it to him but it finally work...What I told him was this....I didn't care WHAT he fixed for the boys...I cared how much he gave them...Wesley didn't need an fried steak and egg sandwich made with 2 fried eggs and 4 Steakums (He really didn't need the sandwich at all but that's another issue) Make Wes's sandwich with 1/2 steakum, 1 fried egg...USE Pam instead gobs of butter to fry it in...That way he wasn't being denied the sandwich but at least I cut the calories down quite a bit...I also told Mike that his guilt over what the boys had gone thru wasn't going to do Wesley any good if he kept overindulging him...I told him that while I get the sugar free Healthy Choice Ice Cream (1/2 cup is only 100 calories-and practially no fat) that did not mean to give Wesley 6 huge scoops...that was defeating the purpose....That's what I try to do...Keep those kind of items in the house...I also said that one of the things Wesley gets teased about in school is his weight...you guys all know how cruel kids can be...But you know....Wes's 10 years old...how much connection can he really make between food and weight??? Yeah...he would love to eat all the fattening foods...he loves those...but most of the time we cannot let him do that and Mike would get so pissed at me for that...I explained to Mike that while we at are age don't care what people say if we have a few extra pounds on us...but Wesley does but he really cannot comprehend all the calorie/fat information just yet and I really don't want him to have to worry about this...I am trying to enact a change without really having to involve Welsey but I couldn't do it alone...Mike needed to work with me and not against me....

Well after about an hour or so of talking...I mean REALLY talking...I finally got thru to Mike and he finally admitted that he had no clue how much Wesley needed...I said fine...He did the cooking..let me handle the portions...Wesley would always have plenty to eat...I also told Mike that we needed to get Wesley outside more...Get the Wesley and Hayley cheap tennis rackets and let them go play...The courts are right down the road from me...well within walking distance...and it doesn't matter that he doesn't know...the important thing is that he's out there running around...get him out riding his bike more...swimming...ANYTHING....to get him more active...We would also have to both let Wesley know that he really didn't have a choice...he was not staying in his room siting in front of the TV set or playing video games (He's already limited to how long he can play those)...So we shall see if this works...if not...Anyone got a 2 by 4 I can borrow????? hehehe...It's just that I love those boys so much and I see all the scars they have...Makes me want to cry most days...They have come a long way from when I first met them...they have come totally out of thier shells and blossomed in ways Mike and I didn't think they ever would...but it's these other issues that now need to be addressed...Its a very fine line that I know I have to deal with...but that's what love is all about right????


Hey guys...thanks for letting me vent.....We'll see how this all ends up!


Take care!